I am...
Post date: May 12, 2010 4:51:15 PM
Never underestimate the tremendous power of these two little words. What I put after them when I think about or describe myself, consciously or unconsciously, has a global impact on my outlook on life, and my view of myself. What I put after them represents how I define myself, my self-definition, my self-image. This is a core construct of our experience in life. It is a foundation upon which we build. It is also the wellspring of my self-worth. How I define myself primarily determines how I feel about myself, and so here is the first global impact: to the degree I define myself in negative terms, I will feel negatively about myself: this is what we call low self-esteem.
So why do we define ourselves in negative ways? Well, the world we live in primarily determines worth based on usefulness or performance. Increasingly in our culture a third aspect has come into play: Image. Image has to do with perceived worth, ie, it exists in the mind of a person. When it comes to self-image, most people tend to base it on what other people think of them. They may also base it to varying degrees on their performance or achievements. The net effect for most is a roller coaster ride through life, where when others are happy with me, or I am performing well, I feel good about myself. But if not, I sink into the hole of self-condemnation. What I have in this case is conditional worth, something I have to work continuously to hold onto.
What we have lost is the idea of inherent worth, something embodied in our Constitution: “Certain inalienable rights, endowed by their Creator.” Now two things stand out to me in this: they saw the true source of worth, but they focused on rights, the present term for which might be ‘entitlements’. That has some problematic effects I’ll get to later. For now I want to focus on the source of the worth. Remember the parable of the house on the sand? It seems to me that most people have built the house of their self-worth on the sand of their performance and other’s opinion of them. No solid foundation there, and deep in my heart I know it. So I feel anxious, and I focus my energy and attention on monitoring the shifting sands of life, an arduous, daily task that never ends. And to make it worse, these things are always a mixed bag: we’ve all failed, performed poorly, and there’s always someone who doesn’t like me, for whatever reason. We have all ‘missed the mark’ at some point. If I define myself by these things, than who I am depends on what I’m focusing on, and heaven forbid I fail so badly that I can see nothing but my failure. The discouragement is absolute. The point of the parable in this illustration is that there is an alternative…
Build the house of your self-worth on the Rock of who you are in Christ. Who I am in Christ is stable ground, solid ground. Casting Crowns has an excellent song on the subject, titled “Who am I?” “Not because of who I am, But because of what you’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are” is the refrain, and it hits the nail on the head. Learning to define myself based on who I am to God is a key ingredient in the journey of spiritual formation. Letting go of the constructs the world teaches me to use, in judging myself, and others, based on performance, social status, race, religion, wealth, clothing, purses, shoes, hair color. It’s the comparison construct, and it’s only necessary where my worth is determined relative to others.
The truth that sets you free from this roller coaster is this: we are all God’s children. Our worth rests firmly on that fact. It makes us equal members of one family. We are all accepted, if only we will believe the truth about Him: that he loves us as his own children, and showed it by being willing to give his son in exchange for you. You’re worth as much to God as his own child was. If you are a parent, you have a powerful sense of what that means. Take hold of it. Believe it. Let it in, let it take root, and in time you will find that you can build on that foundation. It is a solid rock: Your worth to God never changes. It is a firm foundation that you can construct a new sense of yourself on. This is the source of the ‘peace that passes all understanding’ and the secret to being ‘content in all circumstances’.
When I am secure in my relationship to God, my unhealthy dependence on others is resolved. I am free to love others, rather than driven to control them so I can get what I need from them. I can suffer hardship, without building up resentments, I can endure, I can move forward, I can reclaim self-control. I can fail, but still move forward, because my failures have been forgiven. God is more concerned now with where I am going than where I have been, and He’s done all the work to clear the path – I need only believe, and step out in faith. So why would God forgive me? Simply because He loves me. It’s just the essence of who He is. That’s what it is to Love – Agape. It's the feeling you have when you hold your newborn child: you value them above everything else, just because of who they are to you. And that never changes. So the next time you’re feeling worthless, and wanting to get a fix of affirmation from the world, remember that the only true answer to who I am (and what I'm worth), is only found in The Great I AM.
And the world can’t touch that.
Peace in the Journey.